NURSING HOMES ARE SO DEPRESSING!

There are definitely improvements that could be made to a lot of nursing homes, in terms of aesthetics, but things are a lot better in that department than they used to be. Also, if you do your homework ahead of time and look at the various facilities you might have to go to, or send your mom to, you may have some choice when the time comes. It is best to do this legwork before you actually need to choose a place.

Let me tell you how someone actually ends up in a “nursing home” (which is different from an assisted living). One common way is, the person is in the hospital for some significant medical problem, either an illness, or a fracture, or a surgery. Then, after the hospital they may be weak, or they still need antibiotics through an IV, or they need physical therapy to get function back in their operated hip. So they go to a nursing home. The expectation is generally that they will get better and go home. But sometimes they just don’t rally and come all the way back to their previous level of function. Or sometimes a previously existing deficiency in cognition or strength, that wasn’t known before, comes to light and it becomes obvious they need more care. Or sometimes they get sicker—not enough to go back to the hospital, but enough so that they can’t go home. That’s one way to end up in a nursing home.

Another way is if you’re at home with help, or at your son or daughter’s home, or in an assisted living, but you just keep needing more and more help. Maybe you become unable to walk at all and your daughter in law can’t lift you out of bed any more. Maybe you need someone to watch you every moment to make sure you don’t get out of bed and fall. Maybe you need oxygen and lots of medications and dressings put on some wounds on your legs, and your family just can’t keep up with it. Then you might need to move to a nursing home.

Either way, if you have a choice, here are some important things to consider when choosing a nursing home:

-location: near family and friends, or near the doctor

-cost: (obviously). Medicaid will pay for long term living in a nursing home, but Medicare will not. The Medicaid facilities may not be as pretty as some high-end, self-pay ones.

-looks: this matters more to some people than others. Many nursing homes make an effort to have pretty courtyards, and homey-looking common areas.

-quality: all nursing homes are rated with a “star” system, up to five stars. The five star ones are pretty luxurious, but maybe you want to steer clear of the one-and two-star ones

-activities: are the residents just lined up in the hall not doing anything? Or are they all in the facilities living room, engaged with an activity director, having fun?

-friendliness of staff: I think this is a big one, and makes up for deficits in decor, for sure. You should be greeted with a big smile when you come in, and the staff should know every resident and what he or she likes.

And then, once you’re in:

-personalize your room with as many things of your own as you can—bedding, pillows, books, knickknacks, pictures

-socialize with the staff and other residents

-go to activities, even just to watch

-make a point of going outside to catch some rays (and vitamin D) every day. It’s good for the soul and the spirit

-have your family or friends take you out, if you are able to go, to get some variety in your life and see new things

-ask if your family can bring special food in for you to liven up your days

-tell your family you would like to receive mail and phone calls—they can be brief, but they should be often

-try to find the good things about it